Monday, May 08, 2006

Let's face it, Kyle. You suck at disc golf

Pappy and I went on Sunday. As expected from a gorgeous day, the park was packed with the ever-expanding contingency of disc golfers. Illegal parking was at an all-time high as far as my experience with the place goes, though I found a great spot in an actual parking spot (not something so easily come by for others).

The waters are finally receding to normal levels from the massive influx it receives from the Spring melt. This is a good thing. The pond on hole 1 has lost approximately 1/5 of its prior surface area. A comparable amount has been lifted from the hazard on 8 & 9. And one can actually traverse hole 10 without scolding yourself for forgetting the goloshes again. The result is a much more enjoyable (= dryer) game. This is not to say that the receding waters is an indication of a lack of watery depths in which to lose your disc. If you have a bad throw, you're still going to be fishing.

Which brings me to Kyle...

We had the dubious honor of golfing behind some high school upper classmen. A couple of them had some potential and could develop a fairly solid game with some work... and then there was Kyle. I feared Kyle would go through discs faster than pre-Jenny Craig John Popper through a T-bone steak. I saw him ditch "uh... the yellow one" into the bain of Wesley's existence (pond off hole 9). This in and of itself is not necessarily a horrible thing, but when that was the best shot I saw Kyle make all day.

Kyle had a marked disconnect between the concepts of disc golfing and the appropriate use of horizontal and vertical. Most people when they start off will generally have a similar problem. They try to throw a golf disc as they would an ultimate disc, resulting in what I like to refer to as the "rainbow effect". This rainbow effect is something a vast majority of people need to work through and is not abnormal.

... and then there was Kyle. I think Kyle's stratagy on throwing his disc was to launch his unwilling disc into the stratosphere and hope that the upper atmosphere currents would drag the disc to an area somewhere around where the basket was located. Seriously, I've seen hammer throws fly lower than Kyle's backhand toss. Doing a physics calculation, I was able to determine that his throws traveled around three times as far in a vertical vector as they did in a horizontal vector. Its not that Kyle was incapable of having good throws. I just think he liked throwing the disc as high as he possibly could.

And its not like these were Kyle's serious throws. If they were his serious throws, I'd be less critical and more supportive. You know, like a tee-ball coach. But he was just screwing about. He'd just grip it and rip it... into the clouds.

I bring Kyle up for a reason... and its not just to make fun of him. While Kyle was busy trying to make his discs satalites of earth, he was also unconscious of the fact that a number of times, he almost shanked his random throws into the skulls of his compatriots. This is unsafe. As both Beilby and Tim VW can testify, getting hit with even a slow, approach shot can ruin a day. I have no doubt that a concussion (or something more serious) could result from his goofing around.

Pony up, Cupcake


No comments: