Friday, November 24, 2006

Bambi's Mom Deserved to Die

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, an animated mommy deer was bounding through an animated forest. I don't know what she was doing because its been more than a decade since I last saw this story. Then something happened that this mommy deer didn't expect... she was shot by a hunter. This left this deer's son noticably upset. Initially, I felt sympathy for this young deer, despite the fact that the thing didn't exist except on screen. More recently, I've had a change of heart.

Let me tell you why...

I believe you are all familiar with the saying, "you'll understand when you're older". At least I am; this answer was more common than an actual answer in my childhood. It perturbed me to no end. But now I understand that the world is much more complicated than I originally perceived.

For example, let's say that the hunter that shot Bambi's mommy was otherwise engaged in a debate with the wonderful people over at PETA concerning the necessity of pointing a high-velocity projectile weapon at an unsuspecting animal, forcing him to skip on hunting that morning. Instead, mommy survives. And as she is foraging through the field, she gets her fill of the remains of the crops of a good, hardworking Iowa farmer (crops she didn't plant by the way, we call that theft or gleaming as its referred to in Ruth).

She passes the day being a lazy, useless creature, going from field to field, doing nothing other than theiving. As night approaches, she remember's her young child that she had left earlier that day and begins the trek to find him. As she goes along, she eventually goes from being animated to being an actual, real-life deer.

Night has come upon our mother deer, newly brought into the physical plane and she comes upon a road. This road's name is Hwy 60. She feels like crossing this road. She also has a brain the size of a kiwi.

She successfully navigates the first half of the highway, making it to the median, though the next half will prove to be a bit more tricky. She notices that a light source is quickly approaching that shows that nothing is in the road to obstruct her passage. However, what her kiwi-sized brain neglects to pick up is that the light source has substance behind it.

Perhaps by now you can see where this is going...

So Bambi's mommy decided to cross two seconds too soon and tried to high jump my Grand Am... she missed. Instead, she left a lasting impression upon my car. Such impressions tend to total cars. Such was the case with my incident. So I no longer have the car that I enjoyed so much. In fact, I no longer have any car.

All this could have been avoided had Bambi's mommy would have just gone the way of the dodo bird.

"I blame it on the rain, yeah yeah."


Song of the Week: "My Father's Gun", Elton John


Holli said...

Sucks. If you have no car, are you just flying back to Bethel?

URBWes said...

Doug, that's the saddest thing I have ever heard. Does insurance cover any of that?

Bryan said...

The only good thing about deer is ________

I'm having trouble finishing that sentence. Suck.

Is it totaled?

Diggs said...

To answer the questions...

I had a friend in Sioux City who goes to Bethel, so I got a ride back with him.

Insurance actually covered it... giving me more than I paid for the car.

And yes, it is a goner. I no longer have a car