Sunday, October 22, 2006

Frick! Cold!

Cold weather is the bain of my existence.

I believe most of you are familiar with my sentiments on winter weather. And please understand, my logic is undeniable. Yet I live in a place full of people that await the freezing temperatures. I believe this to be the overwhelming power of peer pressure and conditioning. At some point (I'm sure in full sarcasm), some hipster punk claimed that winter was his favorite season and that he loved the cold. In fact, nothing in the world thrilled him like loosing feeling in the extremities and feeling incontinent with his nasal secretions.

Then some poor schmoe, wanting desperately to fit in with said hipster punk, actually convinced himself that he liked winter as well. He invented activities that proved his affection for cold, like polar bear swimming and cross country skiing. He proceeded to enculcate his "kin" with his obsession until they too convinced themselves that enjoying the winter weather was even morally acceptable.

And by some fluke of the evolutionary process, these individuals were not shuned from the collective gene pool. Instead, they moved to Minnesota and raised up a following, as would a cult leader. This is not really the fault of these poor fools for falling for this load of pockey; their wills had been weakened by years of dealing with scooping driveways, astronomical energy bills and the symptoms of SAD's. But fall for it, they did.

And to think, all this because of peer pressure. This is why I am against cliques, public education for middle schoolers, and gerrymandering (cf. the monster Geryon in Dante's Inferno, Canto 17).

I have heard these poor saps respond to my qualms with the oft refered to phrase, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Well I say its pretty friggin' hard to make lemonade when all the water's frozen.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Some say that cold weather makes people sick... sick of hearing your whining! :)