Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Tension and the Terror

In the words of Josh Ritter, the "Snow is Gone"! I realize that those of you in Minnesota have yet to emerge from your involuntary winter slumber, but the rest of us are getting back into the "swing of life" (haha... get it?). In fact, I was up there just this last weekend, though on business that did not allow my any time for my own pleasures. I was surprised/horrified by the state of things up there.

Anyways, Tuesday seems to be the day for play 'round these parts. Therefore, I will likely be shaking lose the frozen bonds and returning to the sweet flow of life on the course. Yet, as the title suggests, this is not necessarily a full-fledged elation. Let me briefly mention why...

Because I am back at square one! As my previous post mentioned, I am in the midst of completely and irrecovably altering how I disc. I do so consciously, however, tension and terror remain. I will be forced to persevere, come what may, else I should have a bastardized non-form to my technique. I must embrace the whole of these changes. This resigns me to the consequences of my decisions. I will NOT like this initially. Firstly, the error of Stoicism (as C.S. Lewis calls it) reminds me that at some point in the past, I was able to throw with a certain precision with a certain power. I will not be able to match this, especially at first. I will be coming off a lay off that will have atrophied my capacities. Now add to this the added difficulties in changing a habit reinforced through endless repetition.

I am fated for frustration.

Kyrie Eleison,


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